I don’t think I have made it public yet, but well, you should know that I am closing the last chapter on my marriage or better yet, my soon to be ex-husband tossed our 4-year marriage into some random garbage can. The time and location are unknown but it happened sometime in the last 14months when he found some insecure college girl. The full story is actually very sad, so I will spare you all the very emotional-wrecking details of it all. Opting to date a married man who is insecure in his own home/family and claiming to seek respite from his own life is never an avenue that leads to happy ever after, just saying! I could just picture him reciting his endless monologues about the humongous misery and mundanity of his home/life to the vulnerable thing. Seriously, what good can come out of this?
I digress.
Anyways. I just turned 26 and I feel even more fabulous, confident, strong, empowered, beautiful, fit, content and plus other ah-mazing words you can find in the dictionary! I haven’t felt that way in a long time because I was so pre-occupied with playing wife, mom, caregiver and climbing the corporate ladder. Obviously, you can tell I married at a young age, and so believe when I tell you that this shit is not for the faint-hearted, and not as fulfilling as it sounds plus it takes a clusterfuck of hard work. It’s not exactly as beautiful as the media and other seemingly happy couple have portrayed it to be. Honestly, I feel sorry for people that go all the way to make up some amazing story about their hot, rich, helpful and sweet husband, who picks the kids up from school, cleans the house, does the laundry, pays the bill, takes the garbage out, cleans up after himself, put the kids to sleep, offers foot massage and so on…..Oh please! That shit is not true. If your life is so amazing, you won’t need to broadcast it. I am guilty of this, just check my facebook page and you will find my amazing hot life with my sexy husband and beautiful daughter. He even accused me multiple times of making our life look so fabulous on facebook, who does that? We did go on those vacations, buy some expensive things and had fun, how is that not fabuous? Well it isn’t when you have to pretty much purchase a first-class ticket from Atlanta to Va.Beach so he can make it on-time (from a party I begged him not to attend) in order to leave on-time for a flight to (vacation spot in) San-Francisco, smh.
And oh, forgive me if I am male-bashing, obvs that is not the point of this post. Although, I will not promise you that I will never confront patriarchal bullshit ever! Most of these shit I have experienced first-hand, but that is something we can discuss some other time.
This blog post is mostly for my friends who think that they should be dating seriously and keep their eyes wide open for Mr. Right in their twenties ….y’all are so wrong! Please work hard, get a career/business going, fuck more, sleep more, travel more, see the world! You don’t get to do that with Mr. Right. With Mr. Right, you get to have babies, big heavy boobs that sag after torturous months of breastfeeding, clean poop, buy groceries, cook in all kinds of weather, and graciously give a blow job when you are on your period. It’s totally damaging! Looking back, I felt like I wasted my youth. The only good thing that came out of this marriage is my amazing daughter. I would not trade her for anything in the world and in all honesty she is the #1 reason why I put up with her father’s multiple BS. I love her, I do really do…..but I am done having kids for reasons I will touch on later in other posts. I do love kids; mine, my friends kids, and every child on this planet. I just needed to put that out there before those of you that are parents start drawing blood.
The crazy thing about marrying young and possibly marrying someone young is that, that man is not exactly ready for companionship, commitment or even kids. What he wants is everyday fucking, your hot body, & also the ability to hang out with his friends for as long as he wants. So ladies, hold off on that hot guy that is about to get on his knees because chances are, he will marry you and get tired of seeing your sagging behind everyday, cleaning poop, carrying the garbage out and having to answer to you every time he does something wrong. None of this is worth it! You can instead have some fun, build a career, stay fit and fabulous and have a whole lot of sex. How long should you stay unmarried? Hold off until you are old enough to snag someone with years of experience, some deep bank account, a higher level of sophistication and one who is longing for companionship and commitment. See how this can make your entire life fabulous? Ok, try it.
Like everything else though, nothing is guaranteed but overall, don’t rush into marriage, its not as fabulous as it sounds. It’s companionship for folks that are too tired living life alone. It’s not for women who want to have fun, live a fulfilling life and have a crazy hot career.
Continued Reading:
- Young Marriage & Career? How to Create a Future that Works For Both
- Everything is Possible in Simplicity
- Why You Are Better Off Married
- A New Way For Moms to Network in the Workplace
- Supermoms at Higher Risk of Depression
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
This post was too real. I’m also guilty of thinking that marriage will automatically turn my relationship into bliss mainly because of all the stuff plastered on social media and other sorts. Thank you for keeping it real, and also providing good advice for people like me who are trying to rush simply because we think the grass is greener on the other side. You’re too fabulous and I can’t wait to see what unfolds in your new chapter of life. By the way, your daughter is fly! But it’s really no surprise since she obviously gets it from her Mama
Eileeen, thanks for commenting. Most of my friends commented on IG and sent me text msgs. So glad someone was brave enough to post their thoughts. I am definitely not bashing marriage, I think its a beautiful thing for the right people, at the right time and in the right environment. Marrying just because everyone else is or because you feel one feels that they are getting old is pure BS. Women need to take charge of their brain, body, soul and mind and stop staring at some biological clock and actually have some fun, live a fulfilling life. I am guilty of this and in some way, I am glad my marriage is over, because somehow this process has helped me discovered what I am made of, and who I really am under that wife/mom/caregiver umbrella i’ve been tucked under the last 5yrs. I hope that you do live a fulfilling life with or without a man.
Wow, you hit the nail right on the head. I don’t want to rush ANYTHING in my life because of some biological clock or because “everyone” is doing it or thinks it’s right. I’ve lived most of my life like that, trying to be like everyone else, and I was miserable. I do want to get married and have a family someday, but I don’t want to do it for other people or some imaginary deadline in my head. I want to have fun and really get to know who I am as we all should do. Thanks again for your post! Wishing you a fulfilled life as well!
i so agree, u got it right. all these girls in nigeria rushing into marriage is bit worrisome. I dont think people understand d importance of marriage. it is not somethin you jump into just bcos everyone is gettin married or ur parents n friends r on ur case. Too many young people r gettin married n divorced like its goin out of fashion. its sad u found out d hard way though, but i dont look at people n say i must marry now. i joke around alot when people ask me when i’m i gettin married n i say very soon dont worry. But in all honesty, i know marriage is no joke and alot in ur lifestyle will change when u get married. So i will like to take my time to meet a reasonable decent person, enjoy my youth n settle down when d time is right. Especially with the amount of useless guys and ladies out there these days , Pls ladies n gents dont feel pressured to rush into anything, take ur time till u r ready. Ps i dont agree with ur having a whole lot of sex though. lol (guess i’m old fsshioned like that) but great blog. i luv it. u write really well by d way. Also excuse any mistakes, wrote this with my fone.
I love you girl! Thanks for your candid words, and for reading this. I am in a happy place now. Do I have regrets, yes! But I will not trade my life with my husband and daughter for anything in the world! And you are right, people are getting too excited about marriage for no reason, its important to know who you are getting married to and ensure that they understand the intricacies of marriage and the commitments that come along with it.
I am very sorry for what you had to go through. You are absolutely right about what you said about marriage. It’s not a fairytale; It’s handwork. I am also guilty of marrying very very young. I do have a great marriage but it’s because because we work very very hard at it every single day. It has brought be to the realization that the most important thing in a relationship/marriage isn’t love but commitment and respect between the couple. Marrying young into the military and having a wonderful daughter just like you, we have had to make sacrifices. We both realize that because we’re married shouldn’t mean that we should give up everything.
Being married for almost 10 years while dealing with cross country military moves, couple of deployments, multiple trainings, while getting my masters degree helps to build character and a sense of responsibility. Marriage is not for everything however with the right partner and someone who understands what you want it can be great and I am blessed that I have a man who understands how much I want a career and is very supportive of me being successful.
Enjoy your life right now. All men are not like that and I pray that you find someone just as ambitious and driven as you when you are ready.
I am enjoying my life Blessing! Its actually even more peaceful and fulfilling. I get to focus on long-term goals with my career and daughter. Just great! Thanks for spenfing so much time on the phone with me girl, we will definitely be in Hawaii next year. And FYI, I am so proud of you and what you do everyday for your career, daughter and family!
This post is too real,sometimes I think I will find happiness in marriage at the age of 20 I haven’t had much of a love life at the moment I’m studying and I want a partner for companionship and sex (I would like to have somebody to discover different places with,museums etc).I’ve had two of my cousins get married in the last year .There are some single women over 30 in my family,seeing them made me feel so scared,my dad said that my aunt’s relationship status “was not good enough” and my other aunt’s mum was asking me if I had a boyfriend ,when I said no and told my mother she said she only asked because her daughter was my age and always said no (her daughter now lives by herself in her 40s).I’m writing all of this because I’ve put marriage up on a pedestal and this blogpost reminded me that it’s not all peaches and cream,however the thought of being alone in my 30s onwards scare me to be honest.I hope you find love and continue to be a great mum!
WOW!!! Though this post is old, it hit the spot for me today!!! I am actually in my late 20s and many of my friends are getting married around me, and I wanted to join the wagon. Mind you i have never been one to follow others, which is why I have gotten as far as I have gotten in life, and still have a long way to go. Anyways, because of my search for Mr. Right, I redirected my focus, and almost lost myself. I appreciate the article and your blog. I am a huge fan , and I just discovered your blog last week…lol. Thank you again!!!!